Today I weigh 238#. I am 49 years old and in reasonably good health, but have battled weight for as long as I can remember. I'm intermittently, sporadically health-conscious and fit; although I yoyo up and down by 60 pounds or so (at varying degrees within the range)- yet never get all the way down to the 'ideal body weight' charts. I tell myself that I'm just not made to be thin; that my ideal weight is somehow okay at 40 pounds above everyone else's. I have also suffered from a bipolar body image; on one hand absolutely loathing myself, and on the other hand believing that I make a pretty hot fat chick. At 5'7", I carry the weight well (more rationalization); I'm smart and funny and nice and people tend to accept me as I am.
As the milestone birthday approaches in October, however, I am reminded of the number one reason for achieving and maintaining a healthy weight- HEALTH! The concept of life expectancy has entered the picture, and with it the realization that mine might be shortened.
Yesterday I decided to complete a health assessment on my insurance carrier's website. Get this- they recommended that I lose 79 pounds!! I looked down. Did I have seventy-nine extra pounds on me? That would put me at 159, which I last weighed almost 30 years ago, for about two days. The prospect of the lifestyle changes needed to achieve this goal is daunting; hence the decision to make the process PUBLIC. I mean, what better way to shame myself into action? Let's try this again- to MOTIVATE myself by sharing my issues and challenges with others who understand?
I should note that I have tried to accept myself as I am, and not care whether I over-filled any particular mold. At a certain point, though, I had to get real. Yes, I know that I have value as a human being regardless of my pant size, but the truth is I know that I can do, be and feel much better. It's about personal best here; not comparisons.
I'm tired and unable to maintain the pace of activity that allows me to function at my best both personally and professionally. I'm depressed and there's only so much the happy pills can do. My clothes look BIG to me when I see them on hangers or fold them. I'm young and fun-loving at heart, and want to have THAT LIFE. The scary part will be the day the goal is reached; what then? I have never been able to maintain, but I hope to figure it out this time around; hopefully with the help and support of readers!
That said- let's get started! I will post journal entries and weekly weights. I invite you to watch my progress, and to share your own.
As the milestone birthday approaches in October, however, I am reminded of the number one reason for achieving and maintaining a healthy weight- HEALTH! The concept of life expectancy has entered the picture, and with it the realization that mine might be shortened.
Yesterday I decided to complete a health assessment on my insurance carrier's website. Get this- they recommended that I lose 79 pounds!! I looked down. Did I have seventy-nine extra pounds on me? That would put me at 159, which I last weighed almost 30 years ago, for about two days. The prospect of the lifestyle changes needed to achieve this goal is daunting; hence the decision to make the process PUBLIC. I mean, what better way to shame myself into action? Let's try this again- to MOTIVATE myself by sharing my issues and challenges with others who understand?
I should note that I have tried to accept myself as I am, and not care whether I over-filled any particular mold. At a certain point, though, I had to get real. Yes, I know that I have value as a human being regardless of my pant size, but the truth is I know that I can do, be and feel much better. It's about personal best here; not comparisons.
I'm tired and unable to maintain the pace of activity that allows me to function at my best both personally and professionally. I'm depressed and there's only so much the happy pills can do. My clothes look BIG to me when I see them on hangers or fold them. I'm young and fun-loving at heart, and want to have THAT LIFE. The scary part will be the day the goal is reached; what then? I have never been able to maintain, but I hope to figure it out this time around; hopefully with the help and support of readers!
That said- let's get started! I will post journal entries and weekly weights. I invite you to watch my progress, and to share your own.
Awesome, Laura!! Best of luck to you. I'll join you on this journey. At one point last year I was up to 261, so I'll join you on the trail to lose 80 pounds.
ReplyDeleteScott Preston