Happy Monday

I've had occasion to take an honest look at myself this morning, and the image is not flattering.

Things have not gone my way, and I have reacted in a way that is making me reassess my priorities.

The plan: get up early and go to Spin class, then do the elliptical for another 30 minutes (didn't I post this plan, last night?) As I've said, once it's posted, it MUST happen!

Enter Monday morning. Alarm rings, I get up, my husband tells me that I need to drive him to work. He does not work down the street, but over an hour away. This means a nearly 3 hour round trip. This really threw a monkey wrench into my best-laid plans; to work out, return home, get ready for work at a leisurely pace, and get there comfortably in advance of an Orientation presentation that I'm scheduled to give.

We agreed that I would just spin for 30 min., then run home, take him to work, and hurry back.

I dashed out to my car, sensibly dressed in capris, a light hoodie and sneakers. It was about 15 degrees, there was 2-3 inches of new snow in the driveway and on the car, the doors were frozen nearly closed, and very hard to wrench open. Undaunted, I started the car, got the defroster going, and found the snow-brush/ scraper. I cleaned off the windshield, getting a liberal amount of freezing snow on my shoes. The thick, icy frost beneath would NOT scrape off, and was going to have to melt as the car heated up.

Have I mentioned that I am Last-Minute Lucy? I leave for spin (or anywhere that I go, now that I think about it) at the LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE. Because of this, any additional time needed to prepare for the trip makes me late. In this case, it made me miss the class. At 6:10am I could not yet see through the windshield, and I was supposed to be over a mile away, parked, inside and on a bike ready to go in 5 minutes. It was not going to happen, and I was not happy. Not only was I not going to work out for 60 minutes; I wasn't even going to do 30! I felt grouchy and annoyed. I came back into the house and, from his chair, Mike says "back already?" He is somewhat amused when I am burned by my habits (see picture above). My failure to plan has too often become his emergency.

"I can't go. The car's frozen. I'll just take you to work." I huffed.

Did I mention that the reason I needed to take him to work was because he was supposed to ride with a co-worker whose father died last night? Well, that was the reason, and I began to feel plenty ashamed of myself for fuming like an idiot when someone we cared about was suffering such a profound loss.

This blog is about weight loss, yes, but also about the journey to be a better person. It's stunning to come face to face with our shortcomings; our immaturity. My failure to allow adequate time, impatience and dislike for inconvenience are MY problems; no one else's.

It's not even that I am that spoiled, that untouched by family tragedy and loss. I know it sadly too well, and yet still allowed myself to resent flexing my schedule for someone else's. Shameful & sobering.

In the end I surrendered to the frustration, reminded myself that I could adjust, and made a plan to stop at the Y on the way home from work tonight. Not the original plan, but the one that will work and serve everyone best for today.

I came back in, sat down and talked to my husband, who was feeling sad for his friend. Of course, I feel sad  as well. At times like this there are clear priorities; not always clear at first impulse, but right there waiting for our heads to clear.